What Can Go Wrong Will Go Wrung
by LuckyMoonProngs
Summary: Ever get sick reading the terrible things written in fanfics? Well, we have. Thus, we have decided to take everything that people screw up and put it all in one story. The Parody of what should be printed out and burned. Have fun!
1. Unexpeccted Suprisses

Warning- Parody In Progress! Clichés Abound! High Insanity! Terrible Grammar/Horrible Spellings! MWHAHAHA! Everything in here has unfortunately been used and abused in serious fics, and we grew so tired of it, we decided to have a little fun!

Now starts the horror-

* * *

Disclaimer- WE OWN NOTHING AT ALL OF ANYTHING! TRULY! PLEASE DON'T SUE! WE HAVE ONLY LINT IN OUR POCKETS!

A/N: THANKS FOR READING! WE LOVE IT! LOL!

Zenn's Muse Virgil- This is what we do!

Zenn- Shush up, you. Do your job.

Ponine- Who are you talking to?

Zenn- My muse.

Ponine- Oh. Well, meet mine- Susan MacPereson.

Zenn and Virgil- Hi!

Rini- Mine's name is Eduardo.

Zenn, Virgil, Ponine, and Susan- Hi!

Eduardo- Hello. I'm only alive sometimes.

Zenn- That's too bad.

Rini- Oh, shush.

Virgil- Why aren't you girls writing?

Ponine- Because we like to talk.

Susan- What planet are you from?

Virgil- One where people do what they are supposed to!

Susan- OOKKAAY!

* * *

Zenn- Now, done with the typical annoying author note. Just a peice of advice: if you flame, we'll laugh, because everything is written as it should be. That is the point of a parody! On with the horrible story!

* * *

**What Can Go Wrong Will Go Wrung**

By: Ponine, Rini, and Zenn

**Chapter 1- Unexpeccted Suprisses**

Ittt was a typical stormy nite over h ogwarts. Thunder blasted through the skye. hogwarts castle was real wet and the students couldnt selep in there dormiatorys.

Harry was wandering around (A/N: As usual! hehe), and was hoping not to run into the evil greasy git, Snape.

"Potter!" No such luck. "Yes, snape?" "Use proper respect, you misunderstood twit!" "Sorry, professor."

Harry walked away as Snape shook his greasy head. Harry would have been surprised that Snape didn't take points like Snape usually did, but Harry was too busy angsting. As he was walking, he kept thinking about everything and nothing- his uncle, his aunt, his cousin, his godfather, his best friend's Ron and Harmony, his classmates, his teacher's, his headmaster Dumblydor, his potions Teachere Snape, his arch rivel Draco (why'd I call him Draco, Harry thought to himself), and his real enemy Moldywort. He also thought about Remus the werewolve, the Order of tthe Pheonix, the phrophesy, the gient squid in the lake, Hagrid, Grawp (A/N: Why did JKR have to write that chara?), Mrs. Norris.

Suddenly, he looked down when something rubbed his leg. Letting out a squeal, he then took deep breaths when he saw thaT it was Mrs. Norris. "Speak of the devil!" (A/N: Really!) "What are you doing, Mrs. Norris?"

When she rubbed him again, he cocked his head to the side. "Well, i guess you are now my kitty. hope Hedwig wont mind."

Hours passed as he walked along. He didnt notice them pass. He kept thinking about things, especillly how he was misunderstood by everyone. He couldn't understand how everyone could be so jolly and happy, when he was so miserable. It just wasn't fair. (A/N: Aww, poor wittle Harry!)

Suddenly he ran into someone walking towards him. "Ouch." he said as he feel down. Looking up, he noticed an angry looking Ron glaring at him. "Oh sorry Ron"

"Harry, why don't you ever look around you? You never notice anyone but yourself, all because your famous. its not fair, others are so much better than you!" Ron yelled. "Your not my friend anymore, i only became friends with you so i'd get famous and because Dumbydor didnt want you to be a Slytherin!"

Ron walked away, leaving his ex-best friend to wallow in his angst again. Now Ron doesn't even like me, Harry thought. He walked further down the corridor, only to turn the corner and see Ron again. He was in a corner with Harmony, who was holding a very big book in her left arm, and they were snogging. Harry sighed and walked away, ignoring Nearly Headless Nick, who floated through him.

Suddenly the front hall doors opened (A/N: That's where Harry was walking, just to let you know!) and a big black dog ran in and tackled Harry.

Harry screamed then started crying because the dog reminded him of his dead godfather Serios. Suddenly the dog popped into a man. The man hugged harry and told him to stop crying. "Harry! Its me! Sirius! I'm alive!" "W-w-w-what! S-s-s-serious? h-h-how!" "I dont know, Harry! But I'm back, really!"

Harry hugged his godfather tight. When he backed away, he noticed a wolve walk in behind the Animagis. Moony bounded over to Harry and Serius and knocked them over, licking there faces. "Moony! Stop!" They yelled, as they got up and ran from the wolve.

As they ran, they nearly knocked over Dumbydor, who was walking around in purple pajamas patterned with shouting stars. He was eating candy by the handful. (A/N: As usual, of course! lol) "Hey," Dumydor asked them, "Have you seen Sev?"

They said no and continued running down the hallway. they passed MacGongaal, who walked over and grabbed Dumbldior's arse. They all screamed as they saaw tthat and ran away faster. Suddenly they saw something even worse. (A/N: Can you guess?) Filch was in a corner with Nevielle, (fill in the blank). Screaming once more, Harry and Serius and Remus, (who was screaming as a wolve, which would sound weird), all ran quicker. They bearly noticed running through the bloody baron, who was attacking Peeves with a see-through kitchen knife.

As they finally slowed down, they found themselfs in the Dungeons. "Do you know were we are, Harry?" Serius asked, looking around nervously. Harry shook his head, as did the wolve nect to him.

Harrys mood dropped back to his self-pitying mood as he realized he was lost. Then he noticed someone step out from behind a portrait of Salazar Slytherin, who was smoking and looking evilly at them. The person walked over to them, and Harry fainted when he saw him.

It was Snape, and he was waering rainbow colored pajamas. After waking Harry back up, Snape fainted when he noticed Serious standing there. No one wanted to wake him back up, but knew they had to, as they were lost.

Moony walked over to the pottions Master and licked his mouth. Snape waked up, screaming. Moony backed away whinging, and Snape got up. "The only person I want a kiss from is Minnie MacGongaal, thank you very much!" he yelled. Then he looked at them. "Well, Seriius, your back. Well, why don't we go get a drink to your return."

"Okay, bye Harry, only adults can get drinks." Serious said, patting his head. The adults (two human, one wolve) walked away, leaving Harry in his self-pity again. (A/N: he does have a lot of bad moods, doesn't he?) "No one likes me," he muttered, tears filling his eyes.

"We like you Harry!" two voices called out, and Harry turned around to find the Creepy brothers behind him. Both walked over and grabbed his arm. "Come on, we'll show you!" Harry jerked away and ran to the bathroom to hide, but they followed. Even when he said he had to use the toilet, they wouldn't leave. Finally he asked what they wanted. "Er, well, you know, Harry!" they replied and Harry ran away when they grabbed at his arse.

As Harry ran, the Creepy brothers ran after him. Suddenly they were stuck in a patch of swamp and couldn't get out. Harry stopped running and turned around to look. "Save us, JHarrry!" they yelled. Harry shook his head. "No, I cant, any time I save someone, someone gets hurted." said Harry darkly, his moodyness showing up again.

Suddenly, two redheads came out of the shadows. "Its alright HArry," Gred and Feorge Weaselly called out. "We were stopping them chasing you! Go on, we'll ceep them here!"

Harry said thanks and walked away. He looked down another corrider and gasped when he saw Jerk!Ron and Harmony snogging again. She still had her book, but Ron had his hand down her open shirt. AHrry shook his head and walked away.

"HARRY!" Harry turned around when someone called his name. He saw Moaning Myrtle running towards him, but she wasn't see-through, she was mortal. "Harry! Look, I'm alive, for one day! All for you!" she yelled, throwing herself at him. Neither noticed the sad looking Nick watching them from above.

Harry backed away and ran in the opposite direction as she started singing to him the words to the song My Immortal by Evanasence (A/N: Ponine- great song! You should listen to it!).

He didnt stop running til he reached the front doors again. They were still open. Then two people walked in. One was a pretty women with read hare and the other looked very much like Harry, though older. (A/N: Guess who!)

"M-m-mum? D-d-d-dad?" Harrry croaked, then he passed out. When he woke up, he saw the two people peering over him with loving eyes in there eyes. "Yes, Harry. Its true, we're alive." "But its been 15 years! Its 2005 now!"

Harry sat up and James helped him up. "Don't you know that you make us so proud," he asked his son. Harry felt tears in his eyes, then suddenly a suit of armor jumped from his place near the wall, swinging a battle ax. The weapon slashed through both of his parents necks, and blood gushed all over the front hall and over Harry. He stood there staring for what seemed 10 hours but was only about 20 minutes, then he ran away, still dripping his parents blood.

He ran into someone, falling down again. "What in the world?" Draco asked staring at Harry. "Why were you runing?"

Harry shook his head and stood up. "Nothing, Malfoy. What are you doing?" "Just passing out candy." "Really? why?" "Felt like it. Dad's doing the same at the M o M, then he's coming here to help me. We want people to realize that we don't really want to be DEs, we were forced into it, and in reality are nice, loving people." "Oh, well, thats good."

Then another person walked through the still open front doors. For a moment all Harry and Draco could do was stair. (Dun, dun, DUN!) It was Voldiemort! He was dressed in very nice robes and was waering movie star sunglasses. Taking them off, he smiled at the two boys.

TBC

A/N: Evil Cliffie! MWHAHAHA! Don't kill us! Sorry! More is coming! Promise!

* * *

And that concludes the first chapter of the parody of all of HP fanfiction. Hope you enjoyed a good laugh. This chapter was done by all of us, the next will be written by Rini alone. Following that, each chap will be done by a separate person. Have fun!

Zenn, Rini, and Ponine


	2. TreeTawny Kills!

A/N: Rini: Hello! Hello! How's everyone 2day? Now that i'm back in Flrodia, i miss Zenn and 'Ponine already! Thank u all for the reviews so muchly and we look froward in recieving a much more after this chapter.

Eduardo: Can u just get on with the wrigiting while i'm still alive?

Rini: Hush u, u do know that patience is virtue! LEARN THAT why don't u? **snicker** Anyway, ...Wow, i just learned something new, typing with asteriks around a word au2matically bolds a word in MS word! Don't u just love it?

**Eduardo:** Shut up Rini and hey! U bolded my name... **growls** There it goes agaiN!

**Rini:** hehehe, experience the power of an authoress!

**Eduardo**: i will leave if u don't get on with it now, or act dead for that matter.

**Rini:** Okay, okay! Geez, chill why don't u?

* * *

**What can go wrong will go wrung**

**Chapter: **Tree-Tawny Kills!

Voldiewart leers at the pair Sluterin and Gryffindork duo. "It is so nice 2 see u, don't u all think i'm wonderful?" He asks, buffing his nails. "Dear me, i need a mirror..." he said, whipping out his wand, causing Harry 2 flinch and uttered a word. "ah...ha, i look better than i did few minutes minutes ago!"

Harry sweat dropped and Draco fell over anime style.

"Um, Dark Lord, are u quite alright? Do u need some cand—" asked Draco and something—someone ran by the three of them with a huge stack of paper. Suddenly, Dumbledore was in the Hall somehow and the person who ran (A/N: Guess who! XD) was Percy Weaslbee.

"Sir! Here's the stack of papers u need 2 do, i know there's three feet worth of work, but u usually handle much more than that, don't u?" asked Percy with the usual pompous air about him.

"Ah, yes... that paperwork i was waiting for, yes, indeed it is true that i have a tonn of paperwork. Why i have 2 deal with such matter,s i'll never understand..." he said, trailling off when he took the stack of papers. Soon followed by Percy, came Fudge who was the only one besides the Slut and Dork duo, noticed Voldie there.

"HEWHOMUSTNUTBENAMED! OHNOWHATAREWEGOING 2 DO? AHHH! PERCYRUNNNN! ITS HIM!" yelled Fudge, running in circles out of sheer panick. Voldeward sweat dropped at the Minister and sighed.

"Doesn't he understand the nuances of being pretty?" asked Voldie, signing exasperatedly.

"Um..." mumbled Harry, shuffling his feet nervously. "What are u doing here, Voldie?"

"Plz, call me 2m," said Voldie, waving his hand. "Now, do u know where Sev is?"

"First Dumydore now u!" yelled Harry, "For all i know, he is down in his quarters having drinks with Serious and Remmy!" He ran off away from the group and in2 another maze of corridors. Sighing, taking deep breath 2 catch his breath, he shook his head. He had 2 s2p being so angry and so angsty. _'Well, u do that often, don't u? U've got 2o many problems 2 handle as it is...'_ thought Harry, feeling the loss of esteem.

He decided 2 calm his nerves down by staying in one of teh classroom. Pushing a door open, he saw the horrible situation. It was none other than Crabbe and Goyle. Seeing them shagging so hard, he realized why they weren't with Malfoy. They were _indeposible._

Screaming, Harry ran out of the room, wanting 2 bleech his eyes and mind of the image that was surely 2 stick in his mind for the rest of his miserable life. Running blindly, he saw out of the corneer of his eye, he see the Creepy kids and screamed even louder. Within the next second, the Creepy kids found themselves in the portable swamp again. Still, Harry did not slow down.

Harry found himself in the dungeons again and sighed of relief. Suddenly, the twins reappeared in front of Harry, grinning evilly. Harry felt intimdated and feared 2 ask.

"Hiya Harry!" said one of the twins. "What's up?"

"Trying 2 get away..." he answered.

"Oh well, we're going 2 prank on the Muarders next! i can't believe after all these years, u..."

"...knew about them!"

"Yeah, and one of them was ur dad!"

"The very dad who made the map!" said the other accusingly. Harry's eyes misted at the mention of his father. The twins back down, when they saw the sorrow in his eyes.

"Sorry..." said the first one that spoke.

"We didn't mean 2 bring that up, honest," he said.

"Forget it, guys," said Harry tiredly. "Plz just leave," said Harry.

"Alright, we'll leave, on the account that we get the Muraders!"

The twins went down the corridor where Serious, Remmy and Sevvie went into for their tea. Sighing a self-pitied sigh, Harry walked down a diffferent corridor. Somehow, he found himself in the Charms' wing and found Flitwick drinking something out of a potion vial. Suddendly, his professor gained a foot with each five seconds. Harry couldn't believe it, his professor was taller than even Professor Snape! but no where near Hagrid's hieght.

Professor Flitwick whipped a wand out and created a mirror and he squealed.

"YES! i'm finally tall! Bwhahaha! Now Minnie will look at me! So will Professor Hawk-eyed lady! (A/N: i'm so sorry, i can't remember the Hawk-eyed lady's name... forgive me...) HAHAHA!" he laughed gleefully, rubbing his hands in excitement as he walked into his classroom. Harry found the entire scene 2o be way bizzare for Harry's liking. Shaking his head sadly, he continued 2 walk, angsting as usual.

Harry noticed from behind that the wolve came running and jumped on Flitwick, licking madly. Harry didn't know what 2 do but stare. Shaking his head, at least Remmy can control himself, must be the Wolfsbane potion. Then Snape comes in from behind the Wolve and spoke.

"Oh u are such a nice Doggy, don't u think so, Harry?" asked Sevvie. Harry looked away angrily. "What's wrong? Why are u angsty?"

"Because no one will ever understand me so Fire trUCK u! (A/N: That's censorship for Fuck, btw. Coined by of forums! ;;) So, leave me alone!" yelled Harry, sorrow filling his ached heart. Snape frowned at Harry and walked 2wards him.

"i'm really sorry 2 hear that, i didn't know u were feeling this way..." said Snape sadly. "i'm so sorry for ridiculing u for all these years. i... i'm so sorry, can u ever forgive me?"

"Sure, i'll forgive u..." replied Harry. "Anyway, Professor, i need 2 go somewhere else 2 think."

"Alright, just make sure that u don't run into any of my _friends._ Some of them are quite angry with the Dark Lord since he's gotten so narcisstic and only pays attention 2 his looks."

"oh alright, i'l l be careful then..." he said, about 2 walk off. Tree-Tawny came down the corridor where Harry was headed. She was carrying a goblet of something steamy. Harry wondered why she was out of her tower for the first time in her life. On closer look, Harry became incredulous, instead of some spacey and dreamy look, there was a murderous and gleeful glint in her eyes.

"Ohhh Mr. Pot-head!" she greeted with a human voice instead of a misty voice she usually harbored. "How _delightful_ it is 2 see u today! i've missed having u in my Divinitation calss. U had always such an Eye i wanted 2 examine and imagine my distress when u dropped out of the class! Now for that browned hair curly friend of urs, that was a different case as she never had any Eye of sight. Now, won't u have a drink with me?" she asked, offering him the goblet.

Harry stared at the goblet suspicously and looked at Snape who also examined the goblet carefully.

"May i?" asked Snape, reaching for the goblet. Tree-Tawny pulled away from him, shaking her head visibly.

"no, can't risk u poising our Harry!" she said jokingly.

"u do know that i would never willingly poising a student," Sev said.

"But, i heard stories! i know in the future u willl poison a student!" yelled the Divination teacher.

"Don't be imprudent and now 2 hand that over or i willl accio it!" threatned snape. Still, the Divie professor still will nnot relent. (A/N: Whoops, i'm typing on the buss so i hope u don't mind the repeated letters!) Snape snarled and uttered the summonging charm and the goblet slipped of the Divie's professor's long and prickly fingers. She tried 2 snatch it back but failed as her whimpy lil fingers broke themselves as she fell 2 the ground. Snape smirked and Harry grinned. Now the fraud can never predict again! (A/N: BWHAHAHA! Celebrate!)

Then Snape checked the drink with a wave of his wand and frowned. "It is a good thing that i am here, Harry, this potion's poisoned." "Really? Why would she do that?" asked Harry. "Because... good point, i don't know. The lady's a fraud anyway." "That is true, well, what are do we do 2 now?"

"i'll get u Potter! i will make u dead so my predictions can finally come true! WHAAA! MY FINGERS! OH MERLINS' BEARD IT HURTS!" sobbed Tree-Tawny.

"i suggest we throw her off the Owlery." hSnape said after watching the pathetic Tree-Tawny cry. (A/N: DIE BITCH DIE! BUWAHAHA!)

"But, sirry u can't! he can't die!" yelled Harry, preotesting.

"But Harry, she kepted predicting ur dismise every class u were in! She deserves death," said Snape. Harry shook his head.

"No life should be taken, not even Voldies!"

"What about Lucius?" asked Snape, frowning.

"Not even him..." replied Harry, glaring. "But," Harry said, perking. "We can still kick the bitch."

"Ah, an excellent idea..." Snape agreed and the pair proceeded 2 kick the bitch. Harry saw Umbridge approaching the three and his face glowed with anger. (A/N: DIE, DIE! SHE WILL DIE!) Harry felt someone holding him back and pulled his arm out of the grasp and ran over 2 the bitch. Whipping a wand out, he produced a knife. Before Umbitch can even scream, harry jumped on him. "This is for all the torturous session u given me!" yelleed Harry, stabbing her staomache. Bllood speilled out and Harry was yelling incoherent words as he kept stabbing her, in the chest, the neck, shoulders, arms, elbows, legs, theights. funny bone (A/N: i don't know where the funny bone but i just had 2 insert it!), and many other various of body parts that was once thought 2 be impossible 2 penetrate with a knife.

Panting, Harry stepped away, whiping the blood off his face. Oh, he was satisfied, very much so. In a distant, he heard a bellow roar that belonged 2 Fluffy, straining his ears, he realized that Fluffy was celebrating Umbitches death! Grinning manically, he looked at snape who stared at him as tho he never met him before. Waving his professor good night, he walked away 2 some other corridor 2 explore. He found a cute baby chimera and Harry just beamed with awe-ness. He forgot all of his sorrow amd misery. Picking the baby up, the animel just crooned delightfuly. Harry strocked the chimera's stomach lovingly and decided 2 take care of the baby as he saw that the mother was no where in sight.

Carrying the baby, he found another baby, except this time, it was a three-headed doog. Again, Harry nearly swooned at the sight of three heads playing with each other in a cute way. (A/N: Isn't that sound sooo cute? Imagine!) Harry saw Hagrid bounding down the hallway with a Chimera and Fluffy and (A/N: Guess who's back!) Norbert in tow. Harry gaped at Hagrid's handling of chimera.

"Wow, Hagrid, can u realy take care of chimera? i didn't now!" exclaimed Harry, and realised tat chimera wanted the baby yback. "oh… u want ur babky back? i'm sorry, here…." He gave the baby 2 the mother chimera. "well i guess i gotta go…." Announced Harry, leaving Hagrid there.

A/N: Sry, it's not a cliffy but u understand! Next up is 'Ponine.

* * *

Thank the Merlin, my self-torture session is over. Hope u liked the…. Chapter. 'grins'. 


	3. The Skipped Sorurting

Chapter 3—the skiped sourting (and outher strange happenings)

A/N: Ponine- hey all! It's Ponine ready to write my part of the story!

Susan- what about me?

Ponine- (rolls eyes) and my muse, Susan.

Susan- hi!

Ponine- can we get on with it?

Susan- fine!

Ponine- okay, here's the third chapter of What Can Go Wrong Will Go Wrung.

Susan- I hope you enjoy!

Ponine- sarcastically I'm sure they will.

Time for torture! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

as hary kontinued wallking, he saw sumtheing that was very, very, very, very, very, very strange—professur fludick was three times taller than he usualy was. suddenly, an announcment came overhead that told every1 to go to the hate fall at once (A/N: can you guess for what?). when every1 was in the great hall, profesor McGongall told a small grope of people standin in front of her that they would be sourtde into their houses- Gryffindork, Hufflepouf, Ravenflaw and Sluterin. when the sorting was over a half hour later, Dumbldore steped out from the tteacher's table, a big green on his face. harry sighed and looked around at the smiling faces he was depressed because no one was paying atention to him. he looked at the head table to see Snap loking at him, a confuseded look on his face.

"what are u starng at, Potter?" snape mouthed acrossed the room.

"nothing, you git," harry mouthed back.

Suddenly, a loud groaning noise sounded from down the table. It was profusser Spit and she was in labor.

"somebody git madame poofy!" one of the Gryffindorks called out.

"im right here, you fowl evil creature!" madame poofy called out down the table. She maid her way to where profusser spit was crawled.

"it's a. . .uh. . .girl, I thing," poofy told the group of peoples. The babi was very ugly – it lookd part giant, part hummus.

It was a hour later and the students returned to they're dormitiories. Harry was still berry depressed. He didn't care if peole didn't like him ne more. It was the next day and draco mudfoy was in a ballerina costume passing out candy to everyone that passed by, a big smile on his face. As he passed candy to hari, harry pulls drako close and kisses him. he didn't care if people were watching. As soon as drako pulled away, harry started chasing him around the gret hull.

"Daddy! Help me!" drako shouted as harry chased him out the great hall and into an empty class room. As harry tried to take off drako's ballerina outfit, mr. malofy came running into the classrm. He loked at harry with disgust and smiled at drako.

"daddy, the mean little gryffindork tried to hurt me!" drako said in a tattling tone.

"oh really?" mr. malfoy said, still glacing at harry.

"yeah. . .he. . ." b4 drako could talke any further, a tiny red and golld cobra wrapped itself around harrys ankle. Drako's face went white with fear.

"what's the matter, sluterin? afraid of snakes?" harry asked in a mocking tone.

"y-y-y-y-yes, potty. I'm afraid of snakes," drako said, bursting into tears.

It was later that day and harry was walking towards potions with professur snap when all of a sudden, he saw pansy Parkinson and lavender brown walking towards him, lavender looking a little larger than usual. Right behind them were ginny and luna. Ginny was a little larger then usual, tooo.

TBC

I know, I know it's an evil place for a cliffie, but I want someone else to have a go at this humorus story and that would be my friend, Zenn. I hope all of you enjoyed this part of the story.

Now for something completely different—Zenn's turn!


End file.
